What I learned at The Landmark Forum: The story slows you down
The Landmark Forum was fun. It was a fun weekend trip. Probably almost as fun as visiting a new exciting city, except this city is in your mind. Muhahaha. You notice things that you've probably thought about before at one time or another, but they string it all together and package it all in such a way that it feels more tangible. Plus, you paid for it. They constantly remind you about the cost of the Forum, very deliberately I think. You paid 6400 Rs, and offered 3 whole days and one half day of your life. Using the pressure of prior investment, you feel strongly compelled to get ANYTHING out of the Forum, even if it's just a few phone calls where you tell your family and friends that you love them. Once that happens, it's difficult to feel like you didn't get your money's worth.
Mostly, what I got out of the Forum was a collection of very expensive new words and phrases. Here are some of them:
- Inauthenticity: Being false with someone in order to avoid or gain something. Doing something for a reason.
- Blind spot: Something that you don't know that you don't know. Your set of blind spots has more control over you than the set of things you actually do know, or even know that you don't know.
- Racket: A persistent complaint with someone or something that leads you into a habitual way of being, thinking, feeling, or acting.
- Strong suit: One of your strengths. But the quality that makes you strong and productive will sometimes be used in such a way that it will hurt you.
- Being unreasonable: Being reasonable means being controlled by your reasons. You may feel compelled to find reasons before you can do something. Being UNreasonable means doing something simply because you are doing it, taking responsibility for it, and enjoying it as it is.
- What's happening vs. the story: There are two universes… one in which things are happening (words are passing through the air as soundwaves) and another in which a story is created about what the soundwaves mean. In the story, the past and future are very prominent (motivations, intent, expectation, attitude). And in what's simply happening, there is only the present, and an constant stream of new moments, each complete in itself.
- This is not the truth: The Landmark Forum is very explicit in stating that nothing they're saying is the truth. They claim to have created a POSSIBLE way of being that they've found produces results, and works in a practical way for people who want to live more powerful lives. It gave an easy out for any arguments that seemed to fall apart to just say, "oh, but this is not the truth, it's just a possible way of being". It is a good safeguard against getting too attached to the philosophy though.
- Extraordinary problems: Extraordinary people have extraordinary problems. There is an endless cycle of problem -> solution -> problem -> solution that you can't get out of… the only thing you can do is choose bigger, more exciting problems to tackle. Problems that you don't want are really just boring problems.
- Life is empty and meaningless: Their mantra is that life is empty and meaningless and it's empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless. Yes, we are meaning-making machines that fill the emptiness with whatever meaning we can invent. I like the second half, which many people trip over. The resulting mindset isn't one of futility or depression or hedonism but rather the opposite: feeling free, excited, inspired, and ready to face life.
- Transformation: To be transformed is to realize that you can invent yourself as one of an infinite number of possibilities, limited only by what you can invent, and your ability to not be driven by automatic default behaviors. I think every field of self-help advertises this truly free way of being. The difficulty of getting it to stick is their business model.
Being transformed means you feel free, keep your word, don't need to be right, are straight in your communication, acknowledge but are not controlled by your fears, responsible for what's happening, don't scheme or do things for ulterior motives, and share with and inspire others.
What I learned
I think I learned about the costs of living in a story. You know how in a movie, people are shooting at you, or you've fallen in love, and you have to wait 2 hours to finally die or fall in love? I remember when I was playing paint ball with some friends, I would start the game and within 30 seconds I'd be dead (usually shot right between the eyes by my friend's father who was a retired cop), and then I'd have to wait 15 minutes for the next game. I remember feeling that there was something wrong about that… I never would've died that quickly if this had been a story in a book, or a movie. We've come to expect life to be a movie… for it to begin, build up, climax, and end. But in reality things just happen. The less we try to make things stick to a story, the quicker they can happen. I needed a story to get divorced. And a story to start a company. That's being reasonable to an extent that it actually slows me down. I should just do things when I do them, and not spend months or years on "reason-gathering" missions.
What stories am I currently gathering reasons for? I can think of several. Some of them are as simple as getting my eyes checked. The period between deciding to do it and actually doing it can be months simply because I'm waiting for my story to create an opening for it. It's why we're all procrastinators. Things get done according to an invisible timeline, often because of deadlines, and when there are no deadlines nothing gets done. Because the story just goes on and on like War and Peace. Things can happen immediately. Screw the story. Stop being ruled by reasons.
Would I recommend it?
I guess I would recommend it. It's definitely a cult, so there's always the danger that you might get caught up in it and give them all your money, but if you like cults and are careful you can gain a lot of the benefit without becoming dependent on them for a sense of purpose in life. That would be madness. And, anecdotally, a lot of people do get caught up in the madness it seems. So, if you've got a cult-sensitive personality, or tend to only feel at home in a big supportive group, I might stay away. Lost souls and cynical bastards will find it sort of weird and fun. Our "coach" was a bit of an asshole, though, so if you go to the one in Seattle, I'd love to hear your impressions of him.
All the best...